LarryLabyrinth
by FlowerofAdversity
Summary: Take the story you know well, and add Larry the Cable Guy to it.  That's this story in a nutshell.


LarryLabyrinth

Note: A Larry the Cable guy/Labyrinth fusion. Will Larry be able to solve the labyrinth that Queen Kai places him in so he can retrieve his son from her, or will he be trapped in the maze forever ? She leads him to the labyrinth and gives him his 13 hours to solve it. One more thing: I didn't plan on Larry's companions to be creatures. I thought three people would join him: a woman named Rita (taken from one of his jokes) Donnie (the mentally-challenged guy) and a cowboy named Chris who rides a Shetland pony.

Chapter 1—A Terrible End to a Wonderful Day

Larry had been staying out far later than usual with the guys practicing jokes and trying to hunt down a doe or a buck, but he kept noticing some watchful eyes staring at him. It looked like a snowy owl. It was peculiar to see a snowy owl out in these woods, since they weren't a common raptor in Larry's area.

"Is it me, or do you guys feel like you're bein' watched ?", he said, in a paranoid tone.

"Please, Larry. I'm trying to concentrate.", Bill said, seeing a doe in the distance. No one but Larry saw the ominous peering eyes from the grand oak trees in the distance.

"Oh, dang. You don't wanna even know what time it is.", Ron White said looking at his watch.

"We didn't even have a chance to shoot that doe ! Larry, I'm gonna kill you.", Bill said, shaking a fist in a threatening manner.

"We gotta go home, it's late. Come on...Let's get outta here before it gets dark. Don't want the jabberwocky getting us.", Jeff said, in a spooky tone. Larry shivered.

"No such think as a jabberwocky. It's just a Carollian figment...Stop your quiverin' you yeller belly !", Bill said, starting to run home and then the clouds became dark. The rain started to fall and the thunder began to crash. Unfortunately, none of them had the time to worry about getting soaked as they went in their different directions. Jeff took Bill and Ron back to their homes while Larry rushed home in the rain. A loud thunderclap unnerved him and matters only went from bad to worse when he entered his house.

"Do you know what time it is ?", Cara asked sharply, arms akimbo. Wyatt, who was snuggling Larry's Mater plushie cooed and gurgled in his crib while he giggled at his daddy Larry making goofy faces.

"Look, honey, I'm sorry. I was just out huntin' and practicin' jokes. The jokes were for the next tour.

Gotta be prepared.", Larry tried explaining.

"I don't care about that. I gave you a curfew. We have a baby to take care of. What of Wyatt ? I can't take care of him myself.", Cara said, getting angrier. Just then, Larry had noticed Wyatt was playing with his Mater plushie.

"That's MINE ! It's not meant for little babies ! Cara, you should know better...", he said, taking back Mater and throwing him aside rather recklessly. The Mater Toy spoke.

"What do yuh do when your tahr's depressed ? Cheer 'um up !" Just then, Wyatt began to cry. Larry was really becoming annoyed.

"You're an even bigger baby than the _baby_. You know something ? I'm going out. Wyatt's _your_ problem now. You have some guy time together.", Cara said, walking out the door before Larry could say anything. Larry needed time to cool down, so he left the room and headed into his own bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him. He kicked off his hunting gear and changed into his usual; a red sleeveless flannel shirt, blue jeans and his trusty camo trucker hat.

Flopping down on the bed, he sighed deeply. It was already hard work being a popular comedian, but now that he was also a husband and a father, he never had time for his own imagination anymore. But yet he loved his wife and child, and maybe...he had been a little too lazy lately when it came to his family. 

With another sigh, he trudged back into Wyatt's room, where the baby was still wailing at the top of his little lungs. He had to try and quiet him down somehow.

Chapter 2—And The Goblins Will Get _YOU_ If You Don't Watch Out

"Maybe if I read something it will quiet you...", Larry said, looking around the room until he found an old dusty book called Labyrinth. "All right, hush now!" Larry snapped. "I'm gonna read ya a story." He cleared his throat and began to read aloud.

"Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who lived in a magical land. But the princess did not live an easy life, 'cause her wicked stepmother treated her like a slave and made her stay home to take care of her baby brother."

He stopped reading for a moment and thought, "That almost sounds like how my wife treats me sometimes!" He chuckled and continued reading.

"However, no one knew that the queen of the goblins had taken pity on the princess and had given her a special power. So, one night, when the princess couldn't stand watchin' over her baby brother no more, she called on the goblins for help. But the princess knew that if she did so, the goblin queen would keep the baby in her castle forever and turn him into a goblin. But she couldn't take it anymore…"

He was interrupted by Wyatt's shrill crying, now louder than before. Larry picked him up out of the crib and bounced him up and down in his arms.

"Oh, will you stop it? Come on, now. Stop it!" Larry exclaimed, getting even more frustrated. "I'll say the words if you don't stop cryin'! I'll say em'!"

"I wish.", he said jokingly, light-heartedly laughing. Goblins from the nether realms heard this plea, and started to take notice. Queen Kai had heard as well.

"He's going to say it!" cried a goblin. "He's going to say the words!"

"Wait, he's not serious. Let him say the words first.", Kai said, with a sneer.

Larry leaned toward the window and glanced into the pouring rain and flashing lightning. "Hey! Goblin Queen! I gots me a child here for ya! Come take him away from me!" He burst into laughter.

"No, no. That's not it!" exclaimed another goblin. "That's never it! He didn't say, 'I wish!'" 

"I wish…" Larry started to say again, trying to ignore Wyatt's persistent wailing. "I wish…"

"Did he say it?" asked a stupid goblin.

"Shut up!" the other goblins screeched.

By now, Wyatt had been crying so much that he was breathing heavily and his little cheeks were bright red. Larry sighed and set him back in the crib, wrapping him in his blankets and hoping he would calm down eventually. As Larry walked to the door, he turned around and faced his son. He shook his head and muttered, "I wish the goblins would come take you away…" He turned off the light. "…right now."

Just as he walked out of the room, Wyatt's crying abruptly stopped. 

Larry stopped and turned around. The sudden silence seemed almost frightening. He slowly stepped back into the doorway.

"Wyatt?" he called out. "You okay?" The baby did not respond.

He flicked the light switch beside the door. But the light did not turn on.

"What the hell?" he thought. He flicked it up and down several times to no effect. "Wyatt?"

He stepped nervously into the room. The rain, thunder and lightning outside the window just seemed to make the whole room even more eerie. Shadows crawled across the walls and the floor. Shadows of things that looked unfamiliar.

Suddenly, there was a strange noise, like someone laughing. Larry blinked. Had he just seen? Had the blankets in the crib just moved? Larry began to shake. He put his hand to his chest to try and slow his racing heart. 

He could not turn away and leave. He had to know what it was. Cautiously, he reached forward and pulled the blankets back. Wyatt was gone!

"Oh, dang. What have I done now?", Larry thought to himself.

Just then, he heard a rapid thumping on the window pane. A snowy owl was flapping against the glass. It was the same owl he had seen while hunting in the woods earlier that day! Behind him, he heard the sound of cackling. Goblins were scurrying through the room, popping in and out of drawers and jumping off the walls. Frightened out of his wits, Larry grabbed a broom from the corner and shook it defensively. "Leave me alone!" he yelled. "Go on! Git! Go away!" Somehow the broom slipped out of his hands and he jumped back in fear.Lightning flashed brightly and thunder roared. The wind lashed violently, and the window suddenly blew open. The owl flew straight into the room. Larry screamed and dove to the floor, covering his head with both hands. After a few minutes, he looked up, trying to see where the owl had gone. He saw a huge shadow rise up on the wall in front of him. He got to his feet and turned around.Standing in front of the window was a woman. She was tall, with sleek blond hair that hung down to her waist. She wore a glittering purple cloak, and around her neck were draped rows and rows of shiny, colorful jewels. As fearsome as she seemed, she looked stunningly beautiful.

Chapter 3- What is Said is Said

Larry trembled at the sight of this mysterious stranger. He was frightened, but something about her seemed to grab his attention and enthrall him toward her.

"Don't be afraid, Larry," the woman said. Her voice was smooth and had a friendly tone.

"Who...who are you?" Larry asked in a shaky voice. "How do you know my name?"

"I've known you for quite a while," the woman answered. 

It was starting to dawn on Larry. This woman seemed so gentle and pretty, yet he sensed some sort of wicked intentions beneath it all. Could this possibly be her?

"You're her, aren't you? You're that Goblin Queen."

She nodded. "Yes. I am Queen Kai. I have set you free now, Larry."

Now Larry knew what was happening. The story he had been reading was coming to life. That meant that Wyatt really had been taken away by the goblins. He had to coax this queen to let his son go somehow. But yet, this whole thing was just crazy!

Gaining strength, he answered, "Thank you, but I want my son back, if that's okay."

Kai folded her arms. "What's said is said."

"But I didn't mean it," Larry replied.

Kai raised an eyebrow. "Oh, you didn't, did you?" 

"Come on, now. Please give me back my son," Larry pleaded.

Kai shook her head. "Larry, run along now," she said. "Go practice your silly little jokes. Forget about the baby."

"No, I can't." Larry was near to tears.

For a moment, they both stood there, staring at each other. Then Kai raised her arm, made a small gesture, and a shiny crystal ball appeared in her hand.

"I've brought you a gift," she told Larry, gazing into his sad blue eyes.

Larry looked up and paused. "What's that? What is it?"

Kai smiled a little. "Why, it's a crystal. Nothing more. But if you look into it this way, it will show you your dreams. But this is not a gift for a man like you. Oh, no. It is not fit for a daddy who takes care of a screaming baby."

Larry stared at her in awe, watching as she spun the crystal ball around in each hand. This gift was charmingly seductive, yet he just didn't trust her.

"Do you want it?" Kai asked, holding it closer to Larry. "Then forget the baby."

Larry did not answer. What wouldn't one give to see their dreams? But he loved his son with all his heart, and he knew that his little boy was a thousand times more important.

Finally he said, "No, I can't. It's mighty nice of ya to do all this for me, but I want my son back."

Now Kai had lost her patience. She raised her hand again. The crystal ball disappeared, and she plucked a live snake from the air.

"Don't defy me, Larry," she warned, and threw the snake toward him.

Larry grunted and groaned as the snake wrapped itself around his neck. He managed to pull it off, and saw that it was now a scarf. He dropped it, where it shattered and released a furry little goblin who ran off laughing. All the other goblins hiding in the room poked their heads out of their hiding places, giggling and snorting.

Kai flashed a sinister smile. "You're no match for me, Larry."

"Come on, I need to have my son back," Larry demanded. He was beginning to get frustrated.

Offended by his request, but willing to give him a chance, Kai pointed toward the window.

"He's there, in my castle. Do you still want to find him?"

Larry ran toward the window, and was more than surprised when he turned around. He was no longer in his house, but was now standing on a hilltop! In the distance, he saw a tall, gleaming castle.

"That's the Goblin Castle, ain't it?" he asked.

Kai gave him a hard stare. "Turn back, Larry," she said. "Turn back before it's too late."

"No, I can't do that," Larry's voice was firm. He was beginning to gain a little bravery toward her.

Kai sighed heavily. "What a pity."

Larry was looking toward the castle. Though it seemed a long distance away, he was sure he could get to it in no time flat.

"Aww...it don't look like it's that far away," he said with a chuckle.

Kai put her hand on his shoulder. "It's further than you think," she told him, "and time is so short."

Larry walked to the edge of the hill. What he saw made his eyes widen. Surrounding the castle was an enormous, intricate maze of stone walls and hedges that seemed to stretch for miles. He turned to see Kai motion toward a wooden clock that was marked to the number thirteen.

"You have thirteen hours to solve the Labyrinth before your son becomes one of us...forever." Her voice echoed as she faded away into thin air.

The wind kicked up and blew dust all around Larry. He clapped his hand over his hat to keep it from blowing off. When the gust died down, he looked all around and saw that he was alone now.

"The Labyrinth, huh?" he said to himself. He took a good look at it, trying to spot a pattern to it. "It don't look that tough. I bet I can get through that dadgum thing quicker than Michael Waltrip winnin' the Daytona!" He laughed to himself at his own joke. "Well, let's go." With that, he started off down the hill.

Chapter 4- Finding a Way Inside

The sun was peeking over the horizon as Larry made his way down the hill. As he walked along, he wondered if he would truly be spending thirteen hours in normal time traveling through the Labyrinth. If Cara came home and saw that he and Wyatt were missing, she would be seriously freaked. Well, as much as the thought bothered him, now was not the time to think about it.

As Larry reached the bottom of the hill, he spotted a woman kneeling over a small pond washing dirt off her hands. He was looking at her from the back, and could see that she was a small woman. Her hair was reddish in color and very messy. She wore navy blue shorts, a skin-tight yellow midriff and white flip-flops. From her belt, a chain of jewelry dangled.

"Excuse me?" Larry said, hoping that maybe she could help him.

The woman gasped. She stood up and glared at Larry. "Hmph," she muttered, and wiped her hands on her shorts. Then she picked up a spray can and walked toward a shrub around the wall.

"Excuse me," Larry said again. "I have to get through this Labyrinth. You know the way in?"

Instead of answering, the woman sprayed a dragonfly that was flying around a flower. "Fifty-seven..." The dragonfly fell like a stone.

"Now why did you spray that lil' feller? He wasn't hurtin' anything!" Larry exclaimed. He knelt down and picked up the dragonfly in his hands.

"Poor thing," he mumbled. Then he felt a sudden sharp pain, like a prick from a needle. The dragonfly had bitten his hand.

"Ow!" Larry yelped, dropping the dragonfly and clutching his hand. "That dadgum thing just bit me!"

The woman scoffed. "Well, what did you expect dragonflies to do, huh?"

"I thought they were harmless," Larry replied.

"Well, that shows what you know," the woman grumbled, and continued spraying the flowers.

Larry could see that she was not the sweetest girl in the world. "Who are you, anyway?" he asked in an annoyed tone.

The woman turned and eyed him suspiciously. "Call me Rita," she said. "Who are you?"

"I'm Larry."

She nodded. "That's what I thought."

As she sprayed another dragonfly, Larry wondered what she meant by that remark. She must have been in cahoots with Kai somehow. How else would she know him? Well, she was the only person he could ask for help, and there was really nothing else he could do. So he gave it a go. 

"You know where the door to the Labyrinth is?" he asked.

Rita shrugged. "Maybe."

"Well, where is it?"

But Rita didn't answer. She was too busy trying to spray another dragonfly. "Sixty!" she squealed.

Larry tapped her on the shoulder. "I said, where is it?"

"Where is what?"

"The door."

"What door?"

Larry threw up his arms in frustration. "What's the use of askin' you anything?"

"You have to ask the right questions," Rita said. "It's hard for me to understand if you don't."

"All right," Larry said. "How do I get into the Labyrinth?"

Rita smiled a little. "Now...that's more like it. You get in...there." She pointed.

Larry turned and saw a huge, shining gate in the wall and watched as it opened with a grinding, groaning creak. A cloud of dust blew out from behind the doors. He didn't like what he saw in there.

"Are you really going in there?" Rita's voice had a tone of concern to it.

Larry nodded. "Yeah. I have to."

Gathering up his courage, he walked cautiously through the gate. Looking around, he found himself in a narrow passageway. The high walls were made of stone, and looked like they were covered in glitter. He touched the wall in front of him and immediately pulled his hand away. The wall felt wet and slimy.

"Isn't it lovely!" Rita piped up as she ran through the gate. Larry shook his head as she laughed like a little child. 

She stopped laughing after a minute and cleared her throat. "Yes...well," she folded her arms and faced Larry. "Now, would you go left...or right?

Larry looked in both directions. "I don't know. They look the same."

"Well, you're not going to get very far, are you?"

"Which way would you go?" Larry asked her.

Rita laughed. "Me? I wouldn't go either way."

"Some help you are," Larry muttered. "Why don't you just leave?"

Rita put her hands on her hips. "You know your problem? You take too much for granted. Even if you do get to the center of this Labyrinth, you'll never get back out again."

Larry stared at her blankly. "Thanks for nothin'."

"Well, don't say I didn't warn you!" Rita snapped. She sauntered back through the gate, which shut behind her with a reverberating bang.

With Rita gone, Larry was alone again, and the only thing he heard was the sound of his own quick breathing.

Chapter 5- Left or Right?

Taking a deep breath, Larry looked in both directions again for a moment, then shrugged.

"Shoot, I guess I'll just have to wing it," he thought. He turned and walked off to the right.

Behind him, a mass of lichen on the wall stared at him with its many eyes. The eyeballs on their tendrils, waggled back and forth and they started to murmur small comments among themselves, such as "Oh!" and "Who's he?"

Larry didn't notice. He was walking along the pathway, hoping he was going the right way. The last thing he wanted was to get lost when he had hardly even begun. 

The passageway had a stone floor that was littered with logs and dead branches, while the stone walls were covered in moss and cobwebs. It was easy to see that this Labyrinth had plenty of nature to it. Larry just kept right on walking, stepping over the logs and pushing aside branches. 

He had been walking along for a little while now between the towering walls of this seemingly endless passageway, and had not gotten anywhere that looked any different. He went on walking a little more, and then a little more after that.

"What are they talkin' about?" he said to himself. "What do they mean by a Labyrinth anyway? I don't see no turns or corners or nothin', it just goes on and on!"

He paused for a moment and leaned against the slippery wall, thinking about what Rita had said to him earlier. Maybe he was taking something for granted. Well, he certainly wasn't going to get anywhere by standing here and worrying! He just hoped that it didn't go on forever.

"Maybe it doesn't," he said, looking down the passageway. "Maybe I'm just giving up too easily."

He walked along a few more inches, then he began to run. The walls still stretched endlessly before him, but more quickly now. He ran as fast as he could, narrowly missing a branch that could have scraped his arm had he touched it. He ran through a puddle, splashing muddy water on his boots. He kept running along that way for a while, and yet he found no opening or corner. He groaned. Banging his fists against the stone wall, he let loose a scream of frustration.

Finally he stopped, out of breath. He dropped onto the cold stone floor in a heap, panting heavily. He took off his hat to wipe a band of sweat that had just formed on his forehead.

"Allo!" a cheerful voice piped up.

Putting his hat back on, Larry turned his head and looked down to see a tiny blue worm staring up at him from a crack in the wall. He blinked his eyes in disbelief. A talking worm? No, it couldn't be. Could it?

"Did you just say hi to me?" he asked.

The worm shook his head. "No, I said 'allo,' but that's close enough."

Larry thought for a moment. If this worm could talk, maybe he could provide a little advice. Looking back down, he asked, "You don't know how to get through this Labyrinth, do ya?"

"Who me?" the worm answered with a chuckle. "No, I'm just a worm." 

"Oh," Larry said.

The worm gave him a smile. "Come inside and meet the missus."

"No, thank you," Larry told the worm. "That's really nice of ya, but I have to solve this Labyrinth. The only problem is, I don't see no turns or openings or nothin'. It just goes on and on and..." He sighed and wiped his brow again.

"Well," the worm said, "you ain't looking right. It's full of openings. It's just you ain't seeing them!"

"Where are they?" Larry asked.

"There's one just across there, it's right in front of you!" the worm replied.

Larry gazed up in front of him. He saw nothing but a stone wall covered in moss and mold. "No there ain't."

"Come inside and have a nice cup of tea," the worm said kindly.

"But there isn't an opening," Larry protested.

The worm laughed. "Of course there is! You try walking through it. You'll see what I mean!"

Larry gave the worm a dubious look. "What?"

"Go on!" the worm said. "Go on then!"

Larry stared at the wall and shook his head. "That's just a wall, there's no way through."

"Things are not always what they seem in this place," the worm told him, "so you can't take anything for granted."

Larry sighed. Well, he hadn't gotten anywhere from walking along this pathway. Maybe he should trust what the worm had told him. What else was there to do now? Putting his hands out in front of him, he slowly walked toward the wall and was more than surprised when he walked right through it into another passage.

"Hey!" he exclaimed happily. He walked a few feet down this new passageway to the left.

"Hey! Hang on!" cried the worm.

Larry ran back. "Thank you! That was really helpful!" he said and walked back to the left.

"But don't go that way!" the worm called to him.

Larry stopped. "What was that?"

"I said, don't go that way," the worm said to him. "Never go that way."

Larry nodded. "Oh." He smiled at the worm. "Thanks!" Then he headed off to the right.

The worm sighed with relief. "If he'd of kept on going down that way, he'd have gone straight to that castle!"

Chapter 6- Roads and Riddles

By now, Larry had learned his first lesson about the Labyrinth. He obviously couldn't take anything for granted, because this was clearly a place full of illusion. As he entered a huge area filled with stone corridors, he glanced into the distance where he could see the castle. Closer this time, its massive spires shining in the bright sun. He also thought he heard the faint sound of a baby crying.

"Wyatt," he said, and started to walk toward a path he thought might lead him in that direction. "Don't worry, Wyatt. Daddy's comin'."

Meanwhile, in throne room of the Goblin Castle, Wyatt, still in his blue baby pajamas, whined and tightened his little hands into fists. Kai smiled at him. She seemed to be the only one interested in him, because the goblins were busy fighting, chattering or chasing mice and chickens. Kai sighed. Lounging on her throne, she looked at a clock on the stone wall. Two hours had gone by. She still had time to kill, and she was bored with her goblins. They were so stupid, she didn't even know why she would be their queen in the first place. She wanted something new. Something a little more intelligent. That's what she hoped for with Wyatt.

She got up off her throne, and glared down at the goblins, who were laughing wildly. She grabbed one by the neck.

"Amuse the little one," she commanded. She dropped him, picked up Wyatt, and started to sing while she rocked him in her arms. Soon enough, all the goblins joined in. The singing seemed to amuse Wyatt indeed, because he stopped crying and started to smile and giggle. He clapped his little hands, watching the goblins dance around the room while they sang.

During this time, Larry was wandering along through the corridors. At least they didn't stretch out forever this time, and sometimes there was an occasional flight of steps. Whenever he came to a corner, he had found a way of making sure that he did not wander aimlessly. Using a marker he had left in the pocket of his flannel shirt the previous day, he drew an arrow on the floor to show where he had come from. However, as soon as he had walked away, a little creature came up from the floor and turned the stones over so the arrows were pointing in a different direction.

Soon, Larry approached what seemed to be a dead end. Shrugging, he turned back to go another way, and saw that the arrow he had just drawn was pointing north, not south. He stared at it, confused.

"I think someone's been messin' with my marks," he said. Angry and frustrated, he threw the marker away. "Damn," he muttered. "This just isn't fair!"

"That's right," a voice behind him said. "It's not fair! But that's only half of it!"

He looked up at the chamber where it had been a dead end. There were two doors in the far wall, and in front of each one was a guard. They held huge shields, which their doglike heads could be seen above, and when Larry looked down, he saw two more heads looking up from the bottom. It kind of reminded him of the characters on playing cards. It almost made him laugh. The two on the bottom were named Tim and Jim and on the top, Alph and Ralph.

"This was a dead end wasn't it?" Larry asked them.

"No, that's the dead end behind you," Tim said. The guards laughed cheerfully.

Looking behind him, Larry saw nothing but a solid stone wall. "It keeps changing," he said. "Now what am I supposed to do?"

"Why don't you try one of these doors?" Jim suggested.

Tim raised his upside-down head. "One of them leads to the castle at the center of the Labyrinth, and the other one leads to...certain death!"

"Oooohhh," the guards all moaned.

Larry hesitated. Nervously, he asked, "Well, which one's which?"

Jim shook his head. "We can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"We don't know!"

"But they do!" Tim motioned up toward Alph and Ralph.

"Okay, I'll ask them," Larry said.

Ralph blinked at Larry and shook his head. "No, you can't ask us. You can only ask one of us."

Alph nodded. "Uh-huh, it's in the rules. And I think I should warn you that one of us always tells the truth, and one us always lies. That's a rule too."

A confused expression crossed Larry's face. "Huh?"

"He always lies," Alph said, tapping Ralph's shield.

"I do not! I tell the truth!" Ralph snapped.

Alph snorted. "Oh, what a lie!"

Below, Tim and Jim were snickering behind their shields.

"He's the liar!" Ralph retorted.

This argument was rather comical, but Larry decided to save comedy for later. He had heard this riddle before, and had never been able to figure it out, until now, that is. What was the right question to ask though? He pondered for a minute. Maybe it should be a question you could ask either one and it wouldn't matter. Yes, that would work...

"Okay, answer yes or no," Larry said, siding up to Alph. "Would he tell me that this door leads to the castle?"

The guards looked at each other. Alph muttered to himself for a minute, then popped back up. "Yes."

"Then... the other door leads to the castle and this door leads to certain death," Larry concluded.

"Well, how do you know?" Alph asked. "He could be telling the truth."

"But then you wouldn't be," Larry replied. "So if you tell me he said yes, I know the answer's no."

"But I could be telling the truth," Alph objected.

"But then he'd be lying," Larry said. "So the answer'd still be no."

"Wait a minute, is that right?" Alph asked, turning to Ralph.

"I don't know," Ralph replied. "I've never understood it." All four guards began to laugh.

"I know it's right," Larry told them. "I figured it out. I never could until now." He smiled with pleasure and walked through the door behind Ralph. "I may be smarter than I thought!" he said, chuckling. "This is too easy!"

But just as Larry stepped through the doorway, the floor opened up under his feet, and he went tumbling down into a shaft!

Chapter 7- Don't Keep a Redneck Down

Screaming at the top of his lungs, Larry fell down through the dark shaft, afraid that he could die once he hit the bottom. As he fell, he started to feel things touching him as if to slow his fall. He glanced down below him down the shaft. It was pitch black, and he could see no bottom.

Suddenly, he felt something cold and slimy grab his arm. Almost immediately, more of the same things, whatever they where, grabbed his other arm, his legs and any other part of his body they could reach. His eyes had adjusted to the dark enough to see what they were. Hands. Blue-green, gnarled hands that were growing from the walls of the shaft on every side. 

Larry shuddered, feeling a wave of nausea in his stomach. Could this be a trap? He squirmed, trying to shake off their grasp.

"Help!" he yelled.

To his surprise, he saw the hands to one side of him contrived to form themselves into a face. "What do you mean, 'help?' We are helping," it said.

"We're Helping Hands," said another.

"You're hurtin' me!" Larry told them, although he felt more scared than in pain.

"Would you like us to let go?" asked another face of hands. They laughed and jokingly dropped him a few inches.

"No!" Larry cried. He heaved a sigh of relief.

"Well, then," the hands said. "Come on. Which way?"

"Which way?" Larry asked, puzzled.

"Up or down?"

Larry nodded. "Oh..."

"Come on!" the hands said impatiently. "We haven't got all day!" The other hand faces started speaking one after the other.

"Well it's a big decision for him!"

"Which way do you want to go?"

"Yes, which way?"

Larry hesitated. "Well...since I'm pointin' that way," he swallowed hard, "I guess I'll go down."

"He chose down!" the hands cried. They instantly started to drop him downward.

"Was that wrong?" Larry cried frantically.

"Too late now!" cried a hand face. 

They all laughed brightly as they dropped Larry to the bottom of the shaft, down through a hole. As he landed on the stone floor, a cover shut over the hole with a loud clanging, enclosing the small cell in darkness. Alone and afraid, Larry felt his body go tense.

A few moments later, he heard the sound of footsteps. "Who's there?" he gasped.

"Me," said a woman's voice. A light flickered, and there was Rita, walking toward him with a lantern in hand.

"Oh, it's you!" Larry was relieved to not be alone anymore.

Rita nodded. "Yeah, well I knew you were gonna get into trouble soon enough, so I came to help you."

Larry looked all around him. In the lantern's light he saw nothing but stone walls, a stone floor, a stone ceiling. 

"Oh, you're looking around," Rita said. "I suppose you noticed that there's no doors anywhere?" She folded her arms. "This is an oubliette. The Labyrinth's full of them."

"Really?" Larry said in a mocking tone.

"Don't be smart, you don't even know what an oubliette is, do you?" Rita snapped.

"No, do you?"

"Yes. It's a place where you put people to forget about them." She cleared her throat. "What you have to do is get out of here, and it just so happens that I know a way..."

"No!" Larry interrupted. "I can't stop now! I've come too far, and I gotta find my son. Trust me, I'm okay."

"Of course you are," Rita said smoothly. "But it gets a lot worse from here."

Something about her tone of voice made Larry even more suspicious. He may have been a redneck, but he was no dummy. He knew something was up. "Why are you so concerned about me?" he asked her.

"What?" Rita sounded hurt. "Well...I am. That's all. Such a nice man ...stuck in this terrible dark oubliette ..."

"I'll make a deal with ya," Larry said. He removed the watch from his wrist. "I'll give you this if you help me."

"Hmm..." Rita nodded. "I'll tell you what. You give me the watch, and I'll help you find your way out of the Labyrinth."

"You were gonna do that anyway!" Larry exclaimed.

"Yeah, but that would be a nice gesture on your part."

Larry furrowed his brow and glanced at eye level with her. "If you won't take me all the way through the Labyrinth, just take me as far as you can. That's all I'm askin' of ya."

Rita groaned as she slipped the watch on her wrist. "Fine. I'll take you as far as I can, then you're on your own, okay?"

"Okay," Larry agreed.

Rita walked toward the wall and picked up a piece of wood, upending it against the wall. Two knobs appeared on the newly formed door. She opened one and brooms and buckets clattered all over the floor.

"Oh, damn," she muttered, shutting the door and kicking aside the strewn items. "Broom closet. Well, I can't be right all the time!" She opened the door with the other knob, and a faint light shone through.

"Ah, that's it!" she said. "Come on, follow me!"

Looking back for a second, Larry ducked down and followed her through the tiny doorway.

Chapter 9- The Wise and Weak

Larry and Rita were still in a bit of a daze from their close encounter with the Cleaners. The two were sitting with their backs against the wall, trying to catch their breath. Rita stood up slowly and felt around the dark chamber. After a few minutes, her hand fell upon a wood ladder. "Ah, this is what we need!" she said, climbing onto it. "A ladder. Follow me."

Larry paused and looked at it. It was a pretty flimsy ladder, built loosely with assorted planks attached with rusty nails. But that wasn't what really concerned him. Rita had told Kai that she was taking him right back to the start. He wasn't about to let that happen!

"How can I trust you when you said that you're takin' me back to the beginning of the Labyrinth?" Larry asked sharply.

"I wasn't," Rita protested as she struggled to climb the ladder. "I told her I was taking you back just to throw her off the scent."

"Rita," Larry said in a whiny voice. "How can I believe any dadgum thing you say?"

"Well, let me put it this way," she replied. "What choice have you got?"

Larry thought for a minute, then shrugged. "You're right."

The two climbed up the ladder, through the damp, mossy reaches of a small shaft, much like that of the inside of a well. Larry was climbling very slowly, in case the rungs should collapse. But he was in decent control of himself, and at least the ladder wasn't shaking or anything.

"See, you have to understand my position," Rita said as they climbed on. "I'm kind of a coward, and...well, Kai scares me."

"What kind of position is that?" Larry asked.

"No position, that's my point," Rita answered. "I mean, you wouldn't be so brave if you ever smelled the Bog of Eternal Stench. It's...whoa!"

The rung she was holding onto broke off. Larry ducked and watched as it fell to the bottom of the chamber. He shut his eyes tightly for a minute. "I can't look down," he thought to himself. When he had opened his eyes and started climbing again he asked, "Is that all it does is smell?"

"Believe me, that's enough," Rita said with a shudder. "But the worst part is, if you do so much as put a foot in the Bog of Stench, you'll smell bad for the rest of your life. It'll never wash off."

Larry felt a little uncomfortable now. Smelling bad...forever? That didn't sound too pleasant. He looked up to see Rita lift up a metal hatch door. He stood on the top rung next to her, with their heads out of the hatchway, glancing around him. They were in a small garden, surrounded by marble and stone statues, as well as a giant sundial. The walls of the Labyrinth were now hedges, and flowers were growing everywhere. The hatchway through which they had emerged was itself the top of a large pipe, a few feet away from the sundial. 

"Ah, here we are!" Rita said, climbing out of the pipe. "You're on your own from here on in."

"What?" Larry griped.

"That's it, I quit."

"Wait a minute," Larry said, lifting himself up from the mouth of the pipe. "Rita!"

"I said I'd take you as far as I could," she said.

Larry was enraged. "You cheat! You nasty little cheat!"

"Now...don't try to embarrass me," Rita grumbled. "I've got no pride."

Larry suddenly had an idea. Oh, yes he would be able to embarass her. By all means necessary. "Oh, yeah?" he taunted, and snatched the chain of jewelry from her belt.

"Hey!" she yelled. "Give those back!"

"Ha-ha!" Larry held her precious jewelry high and away from her reach.

She grabbed at him and tried to jump up and reach it, but it was no use. "Ohhh, you give those back!"

Larry looked up toward the castle. He could see it over the hedges with its towers shining brightly in the sun. "Now, there's the castle," he said in a matter-of-fact tone. "Which way should we try?"

"That's my rightful property! It's not fair!" Rita growled.

"No, it isn't." Larry said, and it took him a moment to know why. If you always expected fairness, you would always be disappointed. "But that's the way it is," he concluded.

Just then, he spotted an old man with a long white beard, wrapped in robes trotting across the garden. He was being followed by a little brown dog with a stubby tail and curly ears. He watched as the two of them settled into a huge stone chair. Maybe they could help! It wouldn't hurt to ask.

"Excuse me," Larry called, running across the grass after the old man. "Could you help us?"

The Wise Man looked up and blinked. His expression changed from deep thought to alertness. "Oh! A handsome young man!" he exclaimed.

The dog grinned and wagged his tail. "Oh, whoo, whoo!" he yapped. Larry smiled in return.

"Ah, and who is this?" the Wise Man asked, motioning toward Rita. She looked a bit annoyed.

"My friend," Larry answered. Those words made Rita perk up. It was the first time anyone had ever called her a friend.

The Wise Man nodded. "And what can I do for you?" he asked Larry.

"Please," Larry said nervously. "That is...I have to get to the castle at the center of this Labyrinth. You know the way?"

"Ah." The Wise Man said. "So you want to get to the castle."

"How's that for brain-power, huh?" the dog chirped.

"Waylon, be quiet," the Wise Man commanded.

"Ah, nuts!"

"So, young man," the Wise Man said, staring at Larry. "The way forward...is sometimes the way back."

Waylon scoffed. "Ha! Will you listen to this crap?"

Rita rolled her eyes and groaned. Larry smiled and tried to suppress a giggle.

"Will you be quiet?" the Wise Man asked impatiently. 

"Okay!" Waylon yelped.

"Are you quite finished?"

"Yes."

The Wise Man looked at Larry again and continued. "Quite often, my boy. It seems like we're not getting anywhere at the moment, when in fact..."

"We are!" Waylon interjected.

The Wise Man glared at his dog. "We are."

Larry shrugged. "Well, I'm not gettin' anywhere at the moment."

"Ha, join the club!" Waylon quipped.

The Wise Man had now drifted off to sleep and was snoring soundly. "I, uh...think that's your lot," Waylon said. He took his paw and pushed a small wooden box forward toward Larry's feet. "Please, leave a contribution in this box."

Larry thought about throwing in a piece of Rita's jewelry, but she grabbed his shirt and snapped, "Don't you dare! That's all mine!"

"Well, hold on," Larry mumbled. He checked his pockets for some loose change. Luckily, there was a dime in the side pocket of his jeans. "Here, take this," he said, and dropped it in the box.

"Gracias, Senior!" Waylon said brightly.

"What did you give him that for?" Rita asked as they walked away. "He didn't tell you anything!"

"Well, well. There go a couple of suckers," Waylon said as he watched them leave. He looked at the Wise Man, who had completely dozed off. "Oh, it's such a pain being your dog."

Chapter 10- Hello, Donny

As they made their way through the hedges, Larry decided to remain dilligent from this point on. Rita was going to stick with him no matter what, and he would not let himself stray from his path.

"What did you mean by that?" Rita asked him. "You said I was you friend. Why?"

"'Cause you are," Larry said. "You ain't much of a friend, but you're the only one I've got right now."

Rita thought about that for a minute. Then she smiled. "Huh, I like that! I've never been anyone's friend before."

Suddenly, the shill sound of a man screaming came from around a hedge. The two of them jumped.

"Aaah! Good-bye!" Rita cried, startled. She took off running down another path.

"Wait a minute! Are you my friend or not?" Larry exclaimed.

Fearing the worst, Rita answered frightfully, "No! I'm not! I'm no one's friend! I look after me, and me alone! Rita is Rita's friend!" With that, she rushed away in the opposite direction.

"Rita!" Larry called to her. "You coward!"

He heard another panicked scream, and even though it unnerved him, he did not run away. It was probably just another trick that this Labyrinth had, just waiting to scare him off. "Well, I'm not scared," he said to himself. "Things ain't always what they seem in this place."

He reached a gap in the hedge and glanced cautiously through it. The screams were coming from a man with an almost balding head, although he still had hair on the sides and tied in a pony tail in the back, and he wore a green polo shirt with gray work pants. He was tied to a tree and squirming wildly. He was screaming in pain, because four goblins were tormenting him with long poles that had small creatures on the end of them that looked like tiny pink beasts with enormous mouths full of sharp teeth. Nipper sticks, they were called.

Larry watched in horror as the goblins laughed and squealed with delight as their nipper sticks bit the poor man in any possible place they could reach. "If only I had something to throw," he thought. He looked down to see some small rocks. Grabbing one, he took careful aim and tossed it at the nearest goblin. It hit him in the head, knocking his metal helmet down over his eyes.

"Hey!" the goblin exclaimed. "Who turned out the lights?" He swung his nipper stick toward another goblin, and the little creature sank its teeth into the goblin's leg.

"Ow! Why you bite me?"

"Who bite who?"

Larry shook with silent laughter as he picked up another rock and threw it at another goblin. It too hit this goblin's helmet and knocked it down. He thrust his nipper stick at another goblin.

"Aah! All right, who bit me?"

Now the goblins had given up taunting the man and were running around foolishly, dodging their own attacks from the nipper sticks. "We're under attack! Retreat!" They finally ran off down through the hedges, yelling in panic the whole time.

Larry finally stopped laughing, and slowly approached the man now that his tormentors were gone. Afraid that Larry might harm him, the man started yelling and thrashing again. Larry was willing to calm this captive down. "Now, stop that," he said firmly.

The man was about to scream again, but he stopped and looked at Larry closely. "Hmm?"

"Is that any way to treat someone who's helpin' you?" Larry asked him.

The man had a sad, wistful expression on his face. "Huh?"

"Don't you want me to help ya down?"

The man nodded. "Get Donny down...please?"

"Donny. Is that your name?" Larry asked.

"Uh-huh, Donny," the man replied. Larry smiled and patted him on the shoulder.   
This poor man was mentally-challenged. 

"Oh, it's okay," Larry told him. "You seem like such a nice feller."

Donny started squirming and moaning again. "Just a minute, I'll get ya down," Larry said. He started to pull at the rope. It was loose, so it wouldn't take much effort. With a strong tug, he released Donny. "You all right?" he asked.

Donny groaned and rubbed the wounds left on his arm from the bites. He looked up and smiled. "Friend?"

"That's right, Donny. I'm Larry."

"Larry...Larry friend. Yeah!" Donny declared.

"Yeah!" Larry gave him a hug, but then he turned serious again. "Hey, I want to ask you something, Donny."

"Huh? What?"

"I gotta get to the castle at the center of the Labyrinth. You know the way?"

Donny shook his head. "Uhhh, no."

Larry shrugged. "You don't know the way either, huh? I wonder if anyone does."

Behind the trees, he spied two doors, set into a stone wall that seemed to be part of a forest border. On each door was an iron knocker.

"Hey, where'd they come from?" he wondered. Donny shrugged. 

He looked at both of the knockers. They both had a solemn expression on their face. One had a ring set in its ears, and the other had a ring in its mouth.

"What do you think, Donny?" Larry asked his new buddy. "Which should we choose of these two weird-lookin' fellers?" He looked from one to the other. Which one should he choose?

"It's very rude to stare!" the knocker with the ring in its ears snapped.

"Oh, sorry," Larry said. "I was just wonderin' which door to choose."

"What?" the knocker asked.

The second knocker tried to speak, but the ring in his mouth made it hard to understand him.

"Don't talk with you mouth full!" the first knocker growled. The second knocker murmured in return.

"Wait, I can't understand ya." Larry said. He took hold of the ring in the knocker's mouth and pulled. It slipped out easily and the knocker flexed his mouth with pleasure.

"Oh," he sighed. "It is so good to get that thing out!"

"What did you say?" Larry asked.

"I said it's no good talking to him. He's as deaf as a post," the knocker told him.

"Mumble, mumble, mumble. You're a wonderful conversational companion," the first knocker complained.

"Ha!" snorted the second knocker. "You can talk! All you ever do is moan!"

"No good. Can't hear you."

Larry looked at both doors again. "Where do these doors lead?" he inquired.

"What?" asked the first knocker.

"Search me," the second knocker replied with a chuckle. "We're just the knockers. Heh-heh!"

"Oh." Larry pushed on both of the doors. "How do I get through?"

"Huh?" asked the first knocker. "What did you say?"

The second knocker answered his question. "Knock, and the door will open."

"Oh, yeah," Larry said. He looked at the ring in his hands. "I'll go with...that one," he thought. He went to put the ring back in the knocker's mouth.

"Uh-uh," the knocker protested. "I don't want that thing back in my mouth!"

"Come on, I wanna knock!" Larry pleaded. But the knocker shut his mouth tightly.

"Ha, doesn't want his ring back in his mouth, huh?" the first knocker said. "Can't say I blame him."

Larry looked closely at the stubborn second knocker and saw that he was...breathing. With a sly smile, he clamped his hand down on the knocker's nose. He whimpered and continued to keep his mouth shut, but he finally had to open it for a breath, allowing Larry to shove the ring back in. 

Donny laughed, amused by Larry's idea. Larry gave him a smile, and knocked on the door. "Sorry," he said to the knocker.

"That's all right, I'm used to it," the knocker replied, his voice muffled again.

Larry walked through the arched doorway to find himself in a thick, dark forest. The wind whistled hauntingly through the trees, and the sounds of birds and crickets could be heard. He looked behind him and motioned for Donny to follow him. "C'mon, Donny," he said.

Nervously, Donny followed him through the door, with shut behind them with a loud thud. Frightened, Donny slowly crept up behind Larry, staying close to him as they walked.

"Scared...," Donny whined, shaking.

"Oh, here. Give me your hand," Larry said gently. "It's all right." 

Donny hesitantly took Larry's hand as they kept walking along that way for a while. "See? There ain't nothin' to be afraid of," Larry said.

Suddenly, Donny yelped loudly as he fell into a hole. Larry turned around to see that Donny had suddenly disappeared. He tensed up again. "Donny?" he called. There was no answer. "Donny? Where are you?"

Larry ran through the dark woods, calling Donny's name. "What's goin' on?" he thought frantically. "What is goin' on?"

Chapter 11- Chilly Down

Rita was wandering through a shaded glen when she heard Larry's cries for help.

"I'm coming, Larry!" she cried. But then she stopped in her tracks. Kai was standing right in front of her.

"Well, well. Look what the cat dragged in. And...where are you going?"

Rita trembled. "Well, uh, the guy gave me the slip, but I hear him now, and uh, I'm off to take him back to the beginning of the Labyrinth, like you wanted me to."

Kai nodded. "I see. For a moment, I thought you were running to help him. But no, not after my warnings. That would be stupid."

Rita laughed. "Ha, you bet it would." But then she swallowed hard.

Kai looked down at her, suspicious. "Oh, dear, poor Reba," she said, dripping fake pity.

"Rita!" Rita snapped through clenched teeth.

"I just noticed that your lovely jewels are missing," Kai said.

"Uh ..." Rita looked down at her belt. "Oh, yeah. So they are. My jewels. Missing.  
I'd better go find them, huh? But first," she nodded and spoke in a confident tone, "I'm off to take that redneck back to the beginning of the Labyrinth, just like we planned." She began to walk away proudly.

"Wait!" Kai said. "I have a better plan, Rita." She took another crystal ball from the pocket of her cloak. "Give him this." She tossed it to Rita. It became a peach as soon as it landed in her hand.

"Uh, what is it?" Rita asked, confused.

"It's a present."

Rita looked at Kai with a concerned expression. "It won't hurt him, will it?"

"Oh, now why the concern?"

"I won't do anything to hurt Larry."

Kai shook her head in disbelief and disgust. "Oh, come on now, I'm surprised to see you lose your head over a redneck man like him!"

"I haven't lost my head!" Rita said defensively.

Kai poked her hard in the shoulder. "You don't think that man could ever like a repulsive little brat like you, do you?"

Rita tried to think of a good excuse. "Well, he said we were...uh..."

"What?" Kai interrupted. "Bosom companions? Friends?"

Rita looked at the ground. "Oh, it's not important..."

Kai grabbed her by the collar. "You give him that, Rita, or I will tip you right into the Bog of Eternal Stench before you can blink!"

With a miserable whimper, Rita nodded. "Okay..." She started to leave, but Kai had something else to say first.

"Rita, if he kisses you, I'll turn you into a princess."

Rita raised her eyebrow. "You will?"

"Yes," said Kai. "Princess of the Land of Stench!" She laughed and faded away.

Larry was still wandering through the woods, calling Donny's name, when he suddenly heard a twig snap. He stopped. Something wasn't right. He wasn't alone. Who or what was it?

He screamed as a creature leaped out from the bushes toward him. It had bright orange fur, long fingers and toes, with a long beak and a scrawny tail. It laughed in a wild, raspy voice. This creature was called a Firey.

"What's up?!" it cried, laughing.

More Fireys began popping up from the trees and bushes. They surrounded Larry, staring at him. They pointed and laughed.

"What do you want?" Larry cried.

"What us?" a Fiery replied.

"We're just here to have a good time!" another one said.

The lead Fiery jumped in front of Larry and put his arm around his shoulder. "Come on, pal! Cheer up! Smile!"

"Yeah!" said another. "What are you lookin' so sad for?"

The rowdy creatures began to tap a rhythm on their knees. They clapped along as the leader struck his claws on the ground, igniting them much like striking a match. He lit a small bonfire. "Yeah!" he exclaimed.

Timid and uncomfortable around these strange beings, Larry slowly backed away as they began to sing and dance around the bonfire like a tribe of wild Mayans. He was shocked to see one of the Fireys pluck out his eyes, shake them like dice, and throw them on the ground. "Snake eyes!" they cried. The Fiery grabbed his eyes and popped them back into their sockets.

"Come on mister! Chilly down!" a Fiery called to Larry. He took his head off and tossed into the air. Larry watched as it was lobbed and kicked around like a ball before one of the others slapped it back on to the Firey's shoulders. 

The Fireys then started to beg Larry to join in, but he waved them away as if to say, "No, that's okay." One of them jumped on his back and started to pull on his head.

"Ow!" Larry cried. "Ow!"

"Hey!" exclaimed the Fiery. "His head don't come off!"

"Of course it doesn't!" Larry said, pushing him away.

"He's right! It's stuck on!"

"Hey, mister! Where you goin' with a head like that?"

"Hey, man, I know what we can do! Take off his head!"

"Yeah, let's take him apart!"

Larry grunted, grabbed the nearest Firey's head and threw it.

"Hey mister!" cried another Fiery. "That's his head!" But then Larry snatched his head and threw it. He began grabbing all of their heads and tossing them. Then he made a mad dash away from there. As he ran, he heard their voices behind him.

"Hey, don't you want us to take your head off?"

"Sure he does!"

Larry ignored them. He kept running and didn't look back. That is, until he came to a dead end. He came face to face with a high rock wall with no reasonable surface for climbing. He groaned. Now he would never escape those crazy Fireys! Just then, a rope was thrust down to him. He looked up to see...

"Rita!" he cried.

"Grab it!" she called down. Larry grabbed hold and started to climb.

"Come on, mister! Please let us take off your head!"

"Take off your arm!"

"Take off your ears! You don't need two ears!"

As he climbed, the Fireys still tried to persuade him to take something off. Pretending not to hear them, he finally hauled himself on top of the wall.

"Thanks for helpin' me, Rita!" he said warmly. He bent down to give her a kiss.

"No! Don't kiss me! Don't kiss me!" Rita shrieked. But it was too late. The floor opened up beneath their feet, and down they went.

Chapter 12- Tell Me That Don't Stink

The two friends slid helplessly down the chute, screaming and clinging to each other. It dropped them into a hidden cave of some sort, and they tumbled out onto a narrow ledge on the side of the Great Wall. Rita screeched frightfully and grabbed a stone slab that jutted out of the wall just before she fell. Larry came sliding down behind her, and managed to stop himself before he reached the edge.

Rita, swinging above her sheer drop, suddenly made a face. "Ohhh...bleh."

Larry's reaction was almost the same. His pores burned as a smell worse than anything he had ever smelled in the whole world seeped into his nose. He looked down to see a huge swamp that was dark green and tan in color. The water didn't even look like water, it moved more like melted lead. All across its surface, there were areas where the sludge bubbled up, making the sickening sounds of belching and flatulence.

"Oh, God! What the hell is that?" Larry asked, disgusted.

"The...Bog of Eternal Stench," Rita gasped.

Larry moaned. "I've never smelled nothin' like it. It's like..."

Rita struggled to pull herself up onto the ledge. "Ohh...it doesn't matter what it's like! It's the Bog of Eternal Stench! Help!"

Without anymore hesitation, Larry helped her up. The two began to shimmy across the narrow ledge, taking care not to step on any loose stones. 

"What did you have to do that for?" Rita asked, scowling.

"Do what?" Larry replied. "You mean rescue you?"

"No. You kissed me!"

As if those words were the chant of a curse, some rocks beneath their feet crumbled and rolled down the side of the ledge. They screamed and held tighly to the wall as the stones landed in the Bog below with a splash.

"Don't be so difficult," Larry said, glaring at Rita. "I know you're my friend, and I know you'd come back and help me."

Rita snorted. "Did not. Am not. I just came to get my jewels back." She patted down her pockets, looking for the peach. "Oh, and give you...uh...give you..."

Larry blinked. "Give me what?"

The stone on which Rita was standing suddenly gave away, and she began to fall. Larry grabbed onto her, but both of them went plummeting down onto a small bank below. They landed on top of something, or rather someone.

"Donny!" cried Larry.

Donny groaned and held his nose. "SMMELLLLL!" 

Rita kicked and squirmed, trying to get out from under Donny. He sat up, and she quickly crawled away. She gasped when she saw him.

"Oh, it's alright," Larry told her. "It's just Donny. He's a friend too."

"A what?"

"SMMMELLLLL!" Donny wailed.

Larry clamped his hand over his nose. "Ohhh, you're right about that!"

The massive pool of muck gurgled and spat. The three of them tried not to breathe too hard, doing all they could to fight this horrible reeking stench that invaded their noses, mouths and eyes.

"Hey, look! There's a bridge," Larry said, pointing.

They looked, and sure enough, there was a narrow, rickety bridge. It ran from a point farther along the shore they were standing on, across a short neck of the bog. 

"C'mon," Larry coaxed his pals. 

They slowly and carefully made their way across the tiny shore. With Larry in the lead, they stepped gingerly around open spots where the bog flowed inward, and trying to stay on the sand.

"Watch it," Rita warned. "You step in this stuff and you'll stink forever."

"Well, just keep holdin' your nose and beg the Lord for mercy," Larry replied.

As they approached the bridge, a Southern-hinted voice suddenly bellowed, "Stop!" They did so as a man leaped out from the underbrush. He was short in stature, about Rita's height. He had dark hair, and wore a black and white rodeo uniform with a huge black cowboy hat. But what was a cowboy doing here? Guarding the bridge, of course.

"C'mon, we gotta get across," Larry said.

The cowboy shook his head. "Without my permission, no one's going to cross."

"Who are you?" Larry demanded.

The cowboy tipped his hat. "The name's Chris, my fellow countryman."

"Please, Chris. Let us get across," Larry pleaded. "I don't have a whole lot of time left."

Rita nodded. "We have to get out of this stench."

"Stench?" Chris inquired. "What are you talkin' about?"

"The smell!"

Chris sniffed and scratched his head. "I don't smell anything."

"You've got to be kidding," Rita told him.

"No, I happen to have a very keen sense of smell," Chris said. "The air is sweet and clear, and none can pass without my permission!"

"SMMMMELLL BAAAAD!" Donny hollered.

Fed up with the stubborn cowboy, Rita growled, "Get out of my way," and attempted to push past him. Chris tried to stop her, but she charged forward across the bridge before he could do anything. 

Larry and Donny began to advance forward, but Chris lashed his rope at them.   
Donny couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed the rope and pulled hard, causing Chris to fall on his face. The cowboy whipped his rope back in response and leapt behind Donny, punching him in the back.

"If it's a fight you want, it's a fight you'll get!" Chris yelled.

Larry stood there and watched the two of them swipe and claw at each other. Donny grabbed a branch and tried to hit Chris with it repeatedly while Chris kept trying to whip Donny with his rope. This went on until Chris ducked inside a tree and Donny barely missed hitting him in the back. 

"Enough!" Chris exclaimed. "I've never met my match until this day! This man fights like a true country boy!"

"You alright, Donny?" Larry asked, concerned. Donny nodded, still trying to recover.

"Donny, if that's your name, I now yield to you. C'mon, let's be brothers and fight as one!" Chris said with a noble gesture.

Donny smiled warmly. "Donny...get...brother!"

"Yeah, thank you, Donny."

Seeing that the two had apparently reached an agreement, Larry said, "Good. C'mon on, now." 

"Wait a minute!" cried Chris. "You forgot about my vow, partner. I can't let you across."

"But you just said Donny's your brother in arm now," Larry told him with a tone of frustration.

"But I have sworn to defend this place."

"SMMMELLLL!" Donny bawled again.

Larry took a moment to think. "Okay, let's handle this thing logically. What exactly have you sworn?"

Chris glanced at him firmly. "I've sworn that no one will pass this way without my permission."

"Well, may we have your permission?"

Chris was silent for a few minutes, considering Larry's question. He finally looked up and shrugged. "Yes."

"Thank you," Larry said, giving him a smile.

"No problem," Chris said sheepishly.

Larry had to leave his bog soon, before he fainted from this entire stench. With a collective sigh, he stepped onto the rickety bridge.

Chapter 13- Once Bitten

Once Larry set foot on the bridge, the whole structure began to wobble and creak. He stopped, unsure of just how safe it was to cross. After all, this bridge did look like it had seen better days.

"Don't be afraid, buddy," Chris reassured him. "I've heard that this bridge has lasted for a thousand years!"

Larry slowly continued to walk, with his arms stretched to keep his balance. The bridge swayed and started to give away beneath him. Biting his lip, he took a few more steps forward. What he didn't see were the stone supports crumbling.

"Almost there," he thought. "That's it..."

But suddenly, the planks creaked loudly, and the entire bridge collapsed! Frantically, Larry jumped up and grabbed an overhanging branch. He managed to get both hands onto it just as the last of the planks splashed into the bog. Swinging from the branch, Larry grimaced at the thought of slipping off into the bog and smelling bad forever.

"Well, it seemed solid enough," Chris said with a shrug.

"Help me!" Larry screamed. He kicked helplessly as the branch began to crack. "Aah! Help!"

"Don't worry, partner!" Chris called to him. "I'll save you...somehow."

Just then, Donny stood up straight, threw back his head, and began to howl like a wolf.

"Donny, what are you doing?" Chris asked. "Can't you see ol' Larry needs help?"

But Donny didn't stop. He continued to howl until the sound nearly echoed, as if they were underground. On a nearby shore, a boulder began to roll from the grass toward the bog. Larry groaned and struggled to hold on to the branch, his feet now only inches above the foul-smelling slime. Smoothly, the boulder slid into the bog, and finally came to a stop beneath Larry's feet. Shutting his eyes tightly, Larry let go of the branch, landing perfectly on top of the boulder. He heaved a deep sigh of relief.

But Donny wasn't done yet. His head was still tilted back, and he kept up his howling. One by one more boulders came rising to the surface of the bog, shedding the sludge completely off. They stood themselves side by side, until they had created the perfect path of stepping stones to the opposite shore.

"Dad gum! That's unbelievable, Donny!" Larry exclaimed, truly impressed.

"You can summon the rocks?" Chris asked his mouth agape.

"Sure, rocks friends," Donny said modestly.

"Wait, hold on," Chris said. He whistled. "Rusty!" he called. "Here, Rusty!"

A saggy-haired brown pony came trotting out from the trees. Chris adjusted his saddle and hopped on. "What's a cowboy without his horse, huh?" He laughed and patted Rusty on the neck.

From the shore, Rita helped Larry and Donny across the rocks. Chris followed atop Rusty, after assuring the nervous pony that it would be okay. Once everyone was across, Larry beckoned them onward. He had sure had his fill of this stench.

"Let's get out of here," he said.

Rita stopped for a moment. She was holding the peach, trying to decide if she should give it Larry, or disobey Kai and not give it to him. She sighed. She didn't want to hurt Larry, but if she didn't follow orders, it was straight into the bog for her. She held the peach up over the slime and put her other hand over her eyes. She was about to drop it in when she heard Kai's voice echo.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Rita groaned. "Oh, please. I can't give it to him..." She tucked the peach away and followed the others with her head held low.

The four adventurers had entered a vast, glittering forest. Chris led the way, riding Rusty, while Larry, Donny and Rita followed closely behind. At least there was a straight path now.

"Come on, we should reach the castle soon!" Chris told them. 

Larry looked up. The sun was setting, casting a vibrant orange glow on the trees. He could barely see the castle through the branches, with rich shades of pink and gold filling the evening sky. It was simply beautiful. He couldn't help but smile a little, thinking of when he would finally break into that castle and find Wyatt there.

From the Goblin Castle, Kai looked in her magic mirror, holding Wyatt in her arms. When he saw his daddy Larry, he clapped his hands and cooed happily. Kai sneered. "Too bad this little soon-to-be goblin won't see his daddy again," she thought. Staring at Larry's image in the mirror, she gave a small chuckle.

"Look, Larry," she said softly. "Is this what you're trying to find?" She shook Wyatt's little hand. "So much trouble over such a silly thing isn't it. But not for long. He'll soon forget all about you, little fellow. Just as soon as Rita gives him my present, he'll forget...everything."

"Hungry," Donny said as the friends reached the edge of the woods.

"Yeah, well we can't stop now," Larry muttered. He looked thoughtfully up at the trees. "Maybe there's some berries or somethin' around here."

Rita came trudging up behind him. Now was probably the best time to give it to him. With a heavy sigh, she took the peach from her pocket. "Larry?"

"Yeah?" he answered, turning around.

She slowly handed him the peach. "Here."

Larry smiled, touched by her offer. "Thank you!" he said gratefully. "You're a real lifesaver!" He bit into the peach.

Rita cringed at the sound of his biting. "What have I done?" she thought, feeling a tear in her eye.

Larry looked at the peach. "This tastes strange..."

Crestfallen, Rita ran into the woods, sobbing regretfully. "Oh, damn you, Kai, and damn me too."

By now, a dizzy spell had completely taken over Larry's body. He dropped to the ground, leaning against a tree. He had already forgotten about his new friends, and about Wyatt, and even where he was. All his thoughts were toward Kai, and he was staring up into the sky.

"Everything's dancing," he whispered.

Chapter 14- As the World Falls Down

From a window of the castle, Kai sat, spinning four crystal balls in her hand. Holding them close to her face, she took one and stared into it. With a soft sweep of her arm, and a gentle blow from her lips, it became a bubble and floated through the open window. The other three soon followed, drifting along, gleaming in the sunset.

Larry was still sitting with his back against the tree, too dizzy to move, let alone stand up. As the four bubbles approached him, he stared at them, mesmerized. He watched as the dazzling bubbles shone with beautiful colored light as they spun through the air, and he could hear music. It was a haunting, wonderful melody, like a waltz. 

The bubbles were soon close enough that he could see inside of them, and within each one were dancers. Men and women in each other's arms, spinning and twirling elegantly. Larry closed his eyes as the music washed over him, and felt himself being lifted. The next thing he knew, he was inside a bubble, dressed in a tuxedo (with sleeves and no hat) and drifting through the night sky. He followed the other bubbles, which were combining themselves into one great bubble.

Donny and Chris had reached the edge of the forest, staring out toward the Goblin Village around the castle. Chris tugged Rusty's reins, stopping the old pony.

"We're almost there, Larry!" he exclaimed.

When he didn't hear an answer, he turned around. Donny did as well, staring down the path they had followed. Larry was no where to be found.

"Larry?" called Chris. "Larry?"

Above their heads the great bubble floated. They looked up at it as it drifted in the direction of the castle. 

Within this bubble was a magnificent old ballroom. Between towering stone columns hung massive chandeliers, their candles burning brightly. The walls were draped with white silk, threaded with beads and glitter. A tall, crystallized clock marked to thirteen hours stood in a corner. The whole ballroom had a mysterious yet magical atmosphere.

Larry watched the dancers, somewhat entranced. The men sported tuxedos like he was wearing. The women wore long, colorful dresses. Some had their hair tied back, and many wore the most beautiful jewelry. The dancers spun with brilliance around the dance floor, as if the party had been going on all night. Men and women who were not dancing were lounging in a cushioned pit in the center of the ballroom, kissing and holding each other in their arms.

As Larry looked through the crowd, he caught a glimpse of Kai, in a silvery white dress, holding a mask to her face. As she lowered it, her gaze met his eyes. She wore thick makeup and had a rhinestone pasted to her forehead. She smiled as he stared at her. She finally had him under her spell. She disappeared into the crowd playfully. Larry looked all around for her as he listened to the love song that was playing.

There's such a sad love deep in your eyes.

It's like a pale jewel opened and closed within your eyes.

I'll place the sky within your eyes.

He stood there, scanning through the heads of the crowd. He didn't know exactly why he wanted to find her.

There's such a fooled heart beating so fast. 

In search of new dreams.

A love that will last within your heart.

I'll place the moon within your heart.

Larry did not know that Kai was watching him. Behind a column, her eyes followed Larry's every move.

As the pain sweeps through, makes no sense for you.

Every thrill is gone, wasn't too much fun at all.

But I'll be there for you...as the world falls down.

Larry felt a little uneasy now. The other men were laughing at him, and the women were flirtatiously batting their eyes at him. He shook his head and kept on looking for Kai.

I'll paint you mornings of gold. 

I'll spin you Valentine evenings.

Though we're strangers till now,

we're choosing a path between the stars.

I'll lay my love between the stars.

He turned to see Kai standing right behind him. He looked at her and slowly held out his hand. She grinned and took it, and before Larry knew it, she was spinning him in circles around the dance floor. His dizzy feeling seemed to switch to a feeling of thrill and enchantment. 

As the pain sweeps through, makes no sense for you.

Every thrill is gone, wasn't too much fun at all.

But I'll be there for you...as the world falls down.

Larry closed his eyes, smiling with pleasure as she held him in her arms. But then, something made him open them again. He heard the loud chiming of the clock. Looking over Kai's shoulder, he squinted to see the clock's face. It had just struck the twelfth hour! That made him remember Wyatt for a split second. What was he doing? There was no time for this! Larry nudged himself free of Kai's grasp. He knew he had to wake up from this silly fantasy.

He pushed his way through the crowd, trying to avoid the outstretched hands of the women. The men ran toward him and pulled on the jacket of his tuxedo, but he angrily shoved them away. He continued to run until he saw the bubble's glistening membrane in front of him. He tapped on it helplessly. Just when he thought he might be trapped, he spotted a small chair beside him. He quickly snatched it up in both hands and threw it. The bubble shattered like glass as the chair crashed through, and everyone and everything in it crumbled into dust.

As Larry tumbled out of the burst bubble, his tuxedo melted away, and he was wearing his sleeveless shirt, jeans and hat again. He was falling through space. He couldn't see anything but darkness, and he couldn't hear anything. But then he started to see things flying around him. It looked like debris from the ballroom. He drifted down faster, spinning and twisting as if he were caught in a whirlpool. He finally landed in a heap of junk on the ground below. 

The minute Larry hit the ground, he was knocked unconscious.

Chapter 15- Memories of a Country Boy

When Larry came to, he blinked his eyes at the bright moon above him. He sat up and looked all around to see that he had landed in a junkyard. There were mounds of junk everywhere, and he was sitting right on top of one.

"What the hell happened?" he wondered. 

He noticed that his hand was still clutching the peach. He looked down at the bitten fruit to see that its flesh was brown and splotchy. A tiny green maggot crawled from the pit.

"Oh, yuck!" Larry cried as he threw the peach away.

Suddenly the junk beneath him moved, and an old woman's voice yelled, "Uhh! Get off my back!"

Larry stood up to see the whole pile of junk rise up, and he was staring into the face of a little old woman who was carrying the entire mound of junk on her back. She gave him a hard stare.

"Why don't you look where you're going, young man!" she scolded.

"I was," Larry said.

"Oh, and where were you going?" 

Larry scratched his head. "I don't remember."

"Well, you can't look where you're going if you don't know where you're going!" the junk woman snarled.

Larry was too lost in thought to argue with her. He gazed up toward the sky. "Well, I was lookin' for somethin'," he said.

The junk woman reached into the heap on her back and pulled out something. It looked like a little toy tow truck. 

"Well, look at this!" she said, handing it to Larry. 

Larry stared for a moment. "Mater?" He then smiled and hugged the toy. "Thank you."

"That's what you were looking for, wasn't it, my boy?" the junk woman asked kindly.

Larry nodded. "Yeah, I forgot." He gave Mater another hug.

"Now," the junk woman said, "why don't you go in there and see if there's anything else you'd like?" She cackled as she led Larry toward a sort of tent and opened it.

Larry ducked inside. His eyes widened when he saw where he was. It was his bedroom! He plopped himself on the bed, still holding Mater tightly. He sat up, looking around. Everything in the room was still the way he and Cara had left it. For a minute he sat there, in thought once more.

"It...it was just a dream," he said to himself. "Just a dream. But...it felt pretty real to me." With Mater still in his arms, he got off the bed and trudged to the door. "I wonder if Cara's home yet?" he whispered.

He opened the door to see the junk woman staring up at him. He gasped. Maybe this wasn't a dream.

"Better to stay in here, my boy. There's nothing you want out there," the junk woman said with a sly smile. "Oh, no." She scurried into the room and began to rummage through shelves, drawers and even the closet. She was grabbing Larry's belongings and examining them, and instead of putting them on her back, she would hand them to Larry.

"Oh, look! There's your wife's little doggy!" she said, shoving the toy in Larry's arms. "You like that little doggy, right?" She grabbed something else off the shelf. "Oh, look! There's one of your awards! Comedian, are you? Yes, yes, very nice! You must have worked so hard to get that!"

Larry was nervously following the junk woman as she handed him more things. The fact that this woman could know and name all of his possessions was bewildering. He also felt a bit of despair as well, but he wasn't sure why. 

The junk woman kept handing him more and more things. "Look, there's your fishing pole! You like to fish, don't you? Oh, and look, it's your Husker sandals! You never wanted them thrown away, did you?"

Larry sat in the chair in front of the chest of drawers and stared at himself in the mirror. He watched as the junk woman piled more things onto him. Auto racing memorabilia, hunting magazines, country music CD's, a PBR pocket knife, more comedy awards...

"Ooh, and here's a treasure! You want that, don't you, sonny?" The junk woman handed Larry an old ring. " Yes. Go on. Put it on."

"I was lookin' for somethin' else," Larry told her.

"Ha, don't talk nonsense," the junk woman replied. "Everything you've ever cared about is all right here. Oh look, here's your old horsie. Remember horsie, from when you were little? And here's your Nebraska sweatshirt ... Oh, and here's your scrapbook. Got a lot of photos in it! Here's your baseball bat! Heh-heh-heh. And your favorite book. You want that, don't you, my boy?"

Larry had stopped paying attention. He was looking for something, but what? Not any of this. He looked down and spotted the Labyrinth book sitting on top of the dresser. It somehow piqued his interest and he picked it up. He flipped through the book until he came to a section that explained the very words the princess used to thwart the Goblin Queen. He read aloud.

"Through dangers untold, and hardships unnumbered, I've fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City... to take back the child that you've stolen."

Larry felt his thoughts return to him as he continued to read.

"For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great. You have no power over me."

Something about all those words seemed to spark a new power within Larry. He now remembered what he was looking for. Wyatt! Not only that, but now he knew the words to say to overthrow Kai!

The junk woman had noticed the zoned-out expression on Larry's face. "What's the matter, sonny? Don't you like your things?"

Larry was seeing everything different now. Was this really all he had ever cared about? He felt ashamed. These things were nothing more than material possessions, they were things that could be replaced, they were of little importance compared to his loved ones. Why should he put them first?

"It's all junk," he said.

Taken somewhat aback, the junk woman snatched up a music box that had been given to Larry from an old friend. "Wha...well what about this? This isn't junk."

Larry grabbed it. "Yes it is!" he cried. Just like everything else, it was nothing more than a possession. A part of a material life that he wanted to leave behind. He threw it down, causing the glass in the mirror to shatter.

"I have to save Wyatt!" he screamed, and threw everything off his back.

The walls and the ceiling began to collapse all around him, and through the wreckage, he saw two hands reaching down to him.

"Larry!", cried a voice. It was Donny!

Larry quickly grabbed hold as Donny and Chris lifted him up out of the now caved-in room back into the junkyard.

Chapter 16- Who Goes?

Larry couldn't believe it. As his friends lifted him up from the rubble, he spotted the gates to the Goblin City, right in front of him!

"Where are we?"

"Larry...back!" Donny said happily.

"Look, buddy. We're almost there!" Chris exclaimed. "Those are the gates to the Goblin City!"

Larry nodded, brushing himself off. "Let's go, fellers. We ain't got a whole lot of time."

The boys hurried off toward the gates. What they didn't see was Rita watching them from behind a mound of junk. "Oh, no," she whispered.

On the outside of the gates, a goblin guard was leaning against his spear, fast asleep. Not taking notice, Chris immediately began pounding on the gates and yelling.

"Open up! Open this door!"

"Chris!" Larry hissed. "Stop! You're gonna wake the guard!"

Chris sniffled. "Well, let 'em all wake up!" He smacked the guard's helmet. "I'll fight you till you drop!" Again he started banging his fists against the gates. Larry grabbed him by the sleeve and pulled him aside.

"Chris, please! For Pete's sake, hush!"

"Well, yeah," Chris said, tipping his hat. "But I'm not a coward, right?"

"No," Larry replied.

"Then I should be fightin' anyone who gets in our way!" Chris yelled proudly.

Larry shushed him. "I know, but we gotta be quiet now, okay?"

Chris sighed. "Oh, all right..." He hopped back onto Rusty. "I don't know why we have to be so quiet, though. It's just a Goblin City."

Donny had gone up to the gates and opened them widely. The three of them crept inside quickly. As soon as they had done so, the gates slammed shut behind them. Ahead of them was a pair of larger gates, already open.

"I don't know about you guys, but I smell trouble," Larry muttered.

He was right. The inner pair of gates began to close before they reached them. The most horrifying sight met their eyes. Each door was half a giant suit of armor. When the two halves of the gate met with a loud bang, they formed a gigantic armored creature, known to the goblins as Humongous. His monsterous eyes glowed bright red. In one hand he wielded an enormous, double-headed ax. Slowly, he clattered forward.

"WHO GOES?" he bellowed. 

Larry and his pals backed away slowly, but suddenly, a line of large metal spikes rose up out of the ground behind them. They were trapped! Donny whimpered frightfully as Humongous raised his ax, ready to strike.

"Watch out!" Larry screamed. 

The giant brought his ax down with a grinding clang, raising a spray of stone fragments from the ground. Rusty neighed in panic and dashed behind a wall. Chris angrily got to his feet and commanded his steed to come out from hiding, but Rusty wasn't about to do any such thing.

Larry and Donny dodged quickly as Humongous brought the ax down again. It missed them and gashed the stone wall. Sparks flew as the stone made its tough contact with the ax's steel blade. They continued to run and duck, barely avoiding the blows as the giant swung the ax, crashing it into a wall or the floor each time. He probably would have crushed them to bits by now had it not been for his slow, jerky movement.

Donny suddenly glanced up as he ducked to avoid another attack. He pointed and yelled. Larry looked up to see Rita running along the stone gutters, headed toward the archway over the gates.

"Rita!" Larry cried.

They barely missed another swipe from Humongous as Rita leaped from the archway. Squealing triumphantly, she landed on Humongous's shoulders. With a mighty heave, she lifted the giant's helmet off. Inside the head, the mammoth creature was being controlled by a little goblin in a pilot's uniform. He shrieked when he saw Rita and scrambled to cover the controls.

"Get out of there!" Rita yelled. She grabbed the goblin by the neck.

"What are you doing?" the goblin screeched. Rita lifted him up from the controls and threw him.

"Ha, ha! Bombs away!" she cried happily as the goblin plummeted to the ground. He landed on the stone floor with a thud, smashing his goggles. He quickly scampered away.

"My turn now!" Rita said as she jumped into the giant's head. She pulled a lever, but nothing happened. Immediately she gripped the controls and started pushing buttons. "How do you drive this thing?"

Larry watched in fear as the giant began waving it's arms wildly. "Drop the ax!" he yelled up to Rita.

Rita groaned. "I'm trying!"

The entire creature began to swivel and clatter uncontrollably. Its arms swung upward, lodging the ax into the stone arch in a shower of sparks. The giant started to careen, unable to support its weight with its arms held upward.

"Oh, where's reverse?!" Rita cried, panicked. A knob popped from the controls. Sparks kicked up from the levers and she let go just before they burned her hands. It was time to bail.

"Get out of there, Rita!" Larry screamed.

Rita began to crawl from the head, ducking to avoid the sparks as steam poured from the creature's arms and chest. "Abandon ship!" she cried. She stood up on the shoulder and jumped, screaming the whole way down and landing flat on her stomach.

Larry gasped. "Rita!"

Humongous gave one last grinding, groaning protest and sagged down with his ax still stuck in the wall. His circuits overloaded and his engine died in a small explosion of sparks.

Running to her side, Larry helped Rita to her feet. "Oh, Lord. Are you okay?" he asked. "Are you alright?"

Rita nodded and her shoulders slumped with guilt. "I'm not asking to be forgiven," she said with a small sob. "I'm not ashamed of anything I did. Kai made me give you that peach. I told you I was a coward, and well...I'm not interested in being friends."

Larry put his arm around her. "It's okay, Rita," he said gently. "I forgive you."

Rita slowly looked up and raised an eyebrow. Larry did indeed have a forgiving look in his eyes. "You...you do?" she asked, wiping tears from her cheeks.

Chris patted her on the back. "Nice work on saving us. I've never seen anyone as brave as you before. You're a great girl, Rita."

Donny nodded in agreement. "Rita and Donny friends."

Rita blinked. "We are?"

Larry took the string of jewels from his pocket and handed it back to her. He smiled. "Here's your jewelry back, Rita. Thanks for your help."

Rita clipped the jewels back to her belt and looked up with a confident grin. "Well, what are we waiting for?" she said enthusiastically. "Let's go get that old witch who calls herself Kai!"

"Right!" Larry agreed proudly.

Nervously, the four companions pried the inner gates open and slowly walked into the deserted streets of the Goblin City.

In Kai's throne room, a goblin came bursting in through the door. "Your Highness!" he cried. "The man called Larry!"

Kai looked up. "Yes?"

The goblin's eyes were wide with panic. "The man called Larry, who ate the peach and forgot everything?"

"What of him?" Kai inquired.

"He's here with the cowboy and the challenged boy and the girl who works for you!"

"What?"

The goblin nodded. "They've gotten through the gates, and they're on their way to the castle!"

Holding Wyatt, Kai stood up and began barking orders. "Stop him! Call out the guards! Take the baby and hide him!"

The goblins dashed for the door. "Guards!" A lone goblin began to sound a warning bell.

"He must be stopped!" Kai yelled. "Do something! Come on, move!"

Chapter 17- Castle Guards and Rolling Stones

The Goblin City was nothing more than a run-down, dirty village, seemingly deserted. The buildings looked as if they had been moulded and shaped right out of the ground, with slanted roofs and lopsided windows. Stone-lined shrubs filled with dying plants surrounded many of the shops, and cats and chickens roamed the muddy streets.

Beyond the streets, the four friends entered an open square with a stone-carved fountain in the middle. The stairs leading to the door of the castle loomed up nearby, unguarded. Everything was still strangely quiet.

Larry's heart was pounding. "I think we're gonna make it!" he said excitedly.

Rita laughed. "Oh, piece of cake."

Suddenly, an army of goblin guards came galloping around the corner, riding their dragon steeds. From the other street corner, another gaggle of guards came rushing in. Even more guards rose up from the castle ramparts.

"Company, halt!" the lead guard yelled.

Larry and his friends stopped dead in their tracks. They were surrounded by goblin guards on every side! 

"Lancers, ready!" The guards raised their spears.

From a window of the castle, Kai stood, watching. She smiled wickedly.

The bugle sounded. "Cannon fire!" There was a thunderous boom as the first blast was fired, the cannonball striking the roof of a nearby building. 

"Charge!" the lead guard bellowed. 

The goblins let loose a war cry as they came running toward the four companions with their spears taking aim. Larry quickly looked for an escape. There was no way they could fight all these goblins! There was only one thing to do. Run.

Larry led Rita and Donny down a nearby street. "Quick, this way!" he cried.

Chris lashed Rusty's reins. "Come on, boy!" he yelled. But another cannon blast spooked the timid pony and he went running off down a different path. Chris struggled to control him.

"No, not that way!"

Rusty began to run even faster, the guards hot on his trail. Chris grunted and tried to hold onto the saddle.

"You're goin' the wrong way! The fight's behind us!"

In the meantime, Larry was leading Donny and Rita along the maze of streets, avoiding guards as best as they could. They barely missed getting hit a few times. "Through here!" Larry called to his friends as he dashed down another alleyway.

Rusty kept on running through the streets. He was now almost back to the gates at the entrance to the city. By now, Chris had had enough.

"Rusty!" he snapped. "If you don't turn around right now, I will never feed you again!"

Instantly, Rusty slid on his hooves to a full stop. But now the guards were closing in.

"Don't worry, Rusty. I think we have 'em surrounded," Chris said confidently.

Larry had then noticed that Chris had been separated from them. After diving to dodge a cannon blast, he helped Rita and Donny to their feet and motioned for them to follow him back down the street.

"We gotta find Chris!" he cried. "Down this way!"

Back near the gates, a goblin came forward with his dragon lowering its head, ready to attack. Rusty scraped the dirt with his hooves as Chris held his rope in front of him. The two were squaring off, ready to tackle each other.

"GO!" Chris yelled. Rusty charged forward. As he did, Chris lassoed the goblin around his torso, and with one tug, he pulled the goblin right off his steed. Laughing, Chris suddenly hit his head on a low-hanging roof and fell right off Rusty's saddle. The pony scuttled into the house and the door shut right behind him. Rubbing his head, Chris moaned, "Rusty...you coward..."

Meanwhile, Larry had just dodged another cannon blast. He landed on the walkway of a tall house as he ducked to avoid the attack. 

"Hurry!" he cried. "In here!" 

Rita and Donny sprinted inside the house after him. As Rita locked the door behind her, the goblin guards began kicking the walls and the door, trying to break their way inside. Donny poked his head out of a second story window, looking down to see that they were surrounded.

Rita and Larry were grabbing items from the shelves inside the house and smashing them over the goblins' heads as they tried to crawl in through the windows. But it wasn't going to hold them for long. Larry then had an idea.

"Donny! Call the rocks!"

Chris had been coaxing Rusty to come out from hiding when he turned around to find himself pinned in with spears. The guards laughed, certain that they had him trapped.

"All right," Chris said. "I'll see to it that you'll be fine if you drop those weapons of yours."

From the window, Donny threw his head back and began to howl again. The ground shook with an enormous tremble as the gates opened and a whole stream of boulders came rolling into the city. Not knowing any way to fight, the guards jumped from their dragons and began to run. In fact, every goblin in plain view started to scurry away, trying to avoid the gigantic stones.

"Come on, now's our chance!" Larry exclaimed as he bolted out the door with Donny and Rita right behind him. They ran into another alley, dropping to the ground to avoid a thrown spear.

The rocks soon filled the streets, knocking goblins down like bowling pins wherever they tried to stand their ground. Some relentlessly pursued the goblins that ran for their lives. There was nowhere to hide. The boulders crashed through the doors and windows of houses where goblins were attempting to duck and cover.

One goblin decided to fight the rocks with his cannon. The little cannonball creature hopped into the barrel as the goblin lit the fuse. "Fire!" But a rock plowed right into the cannon, causing it to explode. The goblin sat there dazed with his face all black.

"This way!" Larry called to his pals as he headed back toward the square. 

Three guards got in their way, but a rock rolled into their path, toppling them over. Larry ran into the square, dragging Rita and Donny behind him. They immediately had to duck behind the fountain to avoid the gunfire from a cannon-topped goblin. Luckily, a huge rock on the stone wall above dropped down and smashed the little creature in an explosion of smoke.

"Hey, no problem..." he moaned.

Larry had reached the bottom of the castle stairs, stopping and looking back to make sure everyone had caught up. He yelled to Chris, who raced into the square on Rusty's back, whooping and hollering happily.

"Hi-ho, silver!" cried with a triumphant laugh.

Now that Larry and his companions had fought their way through the forces of the goblin guards, with a little help from the rocks, they weren't much further from saving Wyatt.

Chapter 18- Within You

Larry quickly scampered up the stairs, making a mad dash for the castle doors. Once he reached them, he pushed with all his might. But the heavy doors couldn't be opened by just one person. 

"Guys!" he called. "Come on up here and help me!"

Donny and Rita ran up to the doors. Together, they all pushed at the same time until the doors finally creaked open. Riding Rusty, Chris followed them close behind as they entered the castle.

Inside the castle, a huge corridor ran through in front of them, and at the far end where it turned slightly to the right, they spotted the open door to the throne room. The friends rushed inside with Larry at the front of the line. He knew that he could save Wyatt no matter what Kai would possibly throw at him.

He entered the throne room to find it completely empty. Kai was gone, and there were no goblins to be found. Glancing around, he spotted the clock on the wall above him. It showed ten minutes to thirteen. Now he really didn't have a lot of time left! 

As Rita, Donny and Chris entered the room, Larry was looking around for any possible place that Kai may have disappeared to. The only other exit from the room was a flight of stairs to one side of the throne. However, he couldn't see where it led because the passage turned a corner.

"That's the only way she could have gone," Larry said, walking toward the stairs.

Chris readied his rope. "Well, then come on! Let's go!" He commanded Rusty forward, with Rita and Donny following, but Larry stopped them.

"No, guys. I have to face her alone," he told them.

Chris looked confused. "But why?" he asked.

Donny nodded. "Yeah."

Larry shrugged. "I don't know, but that's the way it's supposed to be done."

They all had looks of disappointment on their faces, but they all respected Larry's bravery and loyalty. He had been their greatest friend, after all.

Chris gave him a smile. "Well," he said, "if that's the way it's done, then I guess that's the way you should do it." His expression turned to one of concern. "But, if you should need us..."

"Yes," Rita said. "Should you need us..."

"I'll call," Larry replied. "Thank you. You guys are awesome. Thank you all."

He gave them a wink. He saw them smile as he turned and ran up the stairs. It was quite a tall and long staircase, but what he saw when he reached the top made his eyes widen.

Above, below, or around him, he couldn't exactly tell, was an enormous stone chamber, with so many staircases, balconies, windows, and doorways at different heights and angles to each other that he had no idea what was up or down, or upside down, backward or forward or anything. It seemed that the law of gravity had been broken to a high degree in this chamber, and the view was seen in several different dimensions. The whole sight made him feel giddy.

Larry was entirely nonplussed by this unbelievably built room, but he knew if he kept his cool, he would find his way through. Cautiously, he ran down the stairs to his side and back up another flight in front of him once he reached the floor. He edged his way up to another platform, and looked down to see Kai standing on the bottom of it, upside down! He gasped in disbelief.

Kai smiled seductively. She flipped herself down onto the balcony at her side and began to sing to Larry.

"How you've turned my world you precious thing.

You starve and near exhaust me."

Larry was standing there, wondering where she had gone. He jumped when he heard her walking up behind him. She then walked right through him as if he were nothing more than an open door! Bewildered, his eyes felt sore.

"Everything I've done, I've done for you.

I move the stars for no one."

She gave him a wink and gracefully flipped onto the bottom of the platform. Larry stared as she walked and spun around the ceilings and danced along the walls.

"You've run so long, you've run so far."

She flipped upward onto another platform in front of Larry just as he had walked onto it. A startled look crossed his face. Kai came toward him, glaring, and pulled a crystal ball from the air.

"Your eyes can be so cruel.

Just as I can be so cruel."

With a quick whip of her arm, she tossed the crystal ball. It bounced along the walls and platforms.

"Though I do believe in you."

The crystal ball bounced up a flight of stairs right into the tiny hand of a baby.

"Wyatt!" Larry cried. He ran down the stairs, desperate to reach his son.

"Yes I do."

Larry worked his way along more stairs and platforms, but he and Wyatt were still on opposite sides. Kai stood watching him from a lone doorway.

"Live without your sunlight.

Love without your heartbeat."

Her eyes dimmed with combined sadness and pity.

"I...I can't live...within you..."

Larry looked up to see Wyatt crawling up the stairs above him. He ran up another flight to his side, but when he emerged from the next doorway, Wyatt was on the other side of the chamber away from him. He started to follow a line of stairs that he thought might lead him in the direction of Wyatt. As he came closer, the baby crawled into another doorway and reentered the room on the opposite side from him once more.

"Wyatt!" Larry yelled. "Come here, Wyatt!"

Larry followed him again, and the same thing happened again and again. Wyatt was moving in a path with which they could not meet each other. Everywhere he crawled, he seemed to be at risk of falling from a balcony, or tumbling all the way down a flight of stairs. Larry began to feel sick whenever he saw such a sight.

Finally, Larry climbed another stretch of stairs that placed him on a platform right above Wyatt. He looked down to see his little boy sitting on top of a doorway, sideways. But there was a sheer drop separating them.

"Wyatt!" Larry called down to him. The baby looked up at his daddy when he heard his name being called.

Larry sighed. If he ran back down the stairs to another platform, there would be the chance of being separated from Wyatt again. Since he was right below, maybe he could reach him with a jump. Looking down, he noticed that it would be a pretty steep drop. Could he make it?

Larry took a deep breath. Then, shutting his eyes tightly, he leaped from the platform.

Chapter 19- Powerless

Larry felt himself falling for a few moments, but then his falling seemed to slow down and almost cease. He slowly opened his eyes to find himself gently floating downward. The walls of the room were gradually crumbling away as he descended, and bits of the stone arches and stairs were suspended in midair around him.

When he landed safely on his feet, he had no idea where he was. There were balconies and stone window ledges hovering in the air, in complete ruins. The towers and spires from the roof had collapsed, and the sky, or at least it looked like the sky, was colored in haunting shades of blue and pink. It seemed that he wasn't in the castle anymore, but caught in some sort of parallel part of the world. 

"Boy, this is trippy," he thought. He looked all around, but there was no sign of Wyatt anywhere.

From the corner of his eye, he thought he saw some kind of movement. He turned to see Kai slowly emerge from the shadows, wearing a white, threaded cloak and a silver talon necklace. Her blonde hair blew in the gentle breeze around her, and she had the most stunningly mesmeric look in her eyes.

Mustering up all his strength and courage, Larry looked straight at her. 

"Where is my son?" he demanded.

The only answer he got was a sinister smile from Kai. "You'll never find him."

Something about the look in her eyes and the smile on her face caused the whole truth to fall in on Larry. She was looking at him the very same way his wife had when they first met. That could only mean one thing. She was in love with him. But if she claimed to have known him for a while, she must have known that he was married, so why would she love him, of all people? Not only that, but if she did have feelings for him, why did she act the way she did toward him? Loved ones were supposed to make each other happy, and she knew Larry would be happy if he got his son back, so why was she trying to keep him away from him? The whole thing just didn't make any sense. But then again, did anything in the Labyrinth make sense?

Larry's eyes narrowed. "Give me the child," he said.

Kai slowly began to walk toward him. Her smile slowly disappeared as she spoke. 

"Larry, beware. I have been generous until now...but I can be cruel."

Larry didn't understand what she meant by that. "Generous?" he asked. "What did you do for me that was generous?"

"Everything," Kai snapped. She circled Larry and her tone hardened as she explained. "Everything you wanted, I have done. You asked that the child be taken, I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening."

Taking a step back, she pointed into the air. The thirteen-hour clock appeared above her, its hands whirling around.

"I have reordered time," she continued. "I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for you." She paused and stared at Larry. "I am exhausted of living up to your expectations of me. Now, isn't that generous?"

While she almost seemed to have a point, Larry wasn't giving in to her. He tried to remember the words to say from the book. They all seemed to come to his voice as his lips parted.

"Through dangers untold, and hardships unnumbered," he said, "I've fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you've stolen."

He began to walk toward her slowly. He did not feel himself tremble the way he had before. He was no longer afraid of her. Kai began to retreat backward as he approached.

"For my will is as strong as yours, and my..."

Kai raised her hand in front of him. "Stop!" she interrupted. "Wait."

She lifted her arm, made a gesture, and the crystal ball reappeared in her hand.   
"Look, Larry," she said. "Look what I'm offering you. Your dreams."

Larry did not fall for the crystal's spell again. As far as he knew, all of his dreams had already come true when he married Cara and had Wyatt. Becoming a popular comedian and making it big on his Blue Collar Tour was just as big of a dream that had come true for him as well. He was happy with what he had, so why give into this?

He took another step forward. "...and my kingdom is as great..."

Kai was persistent. "I ask for so little," she told him. "Just let me rule you...and you can have everything that you want."

Larry was about to say the last of the words, but suddenly, he couldn't remember what they were!

"My kingdom is as great...damn," he muttered. "I can't remember that line!"

He clenched his fist and scratched his head up under his hat. He was thinking frantically. What were the last words?

Kai came closer to Larry. She was spinning the crystal ball, its glare reflecting all around him.

"Just fear me, love me, do as I say," she said to him kindly, "and I will be your slave."

Larry swallowed hard. "My kingdom is as great ...," he mumbled, " ...my kingdom is as great ..." 

He looked up at Kai, feeling a strange aura spreading from her blazing eyes. Somewhere, from deep within his mind, he remembered reading the story. From the depths of his thoughts, the words suddenly came to him. He looked at Kai straight in the eyes and spoke.

"You have no power over me."

Kai began to shudder and twitch, with Larry's voice surrounding her. "You have no power over me!"

The clock struck the thirteenth hour, its chime echoing in the empty air.

Kai tossed the crystal ball up into the air, where it hovered for a second, and became a bubble. Gently, it drifted down toward Larry's hand. Kai's face shone distorted within as it came down. As it touched Larry's fingertips, it burst into a small mist of droplets.

The clock continued to strike as Kai seemed to disappear into herself, a small, whining cry escaping from her lips. Larry watched as her robes and cloak fluttered down and began to settle.

Then the castle and everything around him vanished.

Chapter 20- Git-R-Home

The clock's chiming began to settle from an echo to a normal level as a bright light shone into Larry's eyes. He shut them tightly. The world around him just seemed to collapse, and he could feel himself drifting. 

He opened his eyes to see the snowy owl flapping above him. It circled him for one last time, glided toward the open window, and flew out into the night. At that moment, the clock had just finished striking midnight. Larry looked all around. He was no longer in the castle. He was standing in the middle of his living room, back in his house in Florida.

He smiled and sighed. "I'm home," he said.

But then he remembered that he still hadn't found Wyatt. "Oh, Lord," he thought. 

Maybe he was here, but Larry had to know right this minute. He rushed upstairs yelling, "Wyatt! Wyatt!", the whole time. He ran into the bedroom and switched on the light. Looking into the crib, he breathed a sigh of relief.

Wyatt was lying in his crib, peacefully asleep. Larry smiled warmly, running his hand along his son's cheek. He couldn't help but cry a little. The baby opened his eyes a little and cooed. He smiled when he saw his daddy looking down at him, then when back to sleep.

Larry thought for a minute, and then went to retrieve the Mater toy from where he had dropped it earlier that evening. He picked up his beloved tow truck that had been given to him by the Pixar crew, gave it one more hug, and then gently slipped it under the blankets next to Wyatt. The two of them just seemed to fit together perfectly.

"There you go," Larry whispered. "I want Mater to belong to you now."

He stood there for a long time, looking down at the little boy he loved so much. He felt very blessed to have such a healthy, beautiful child. Brushing a tear away, he leaned down and gave Wyatt a kiss.

"I love you, Wyatt," he said softly. "I love you very much."

He decided that now it was time to let the baby sleep. He walked to the door and stopped, looking back at him one more time before he turned off the light.

"Good night, Wyatt," he said as he slowly closed the door.

Back in his own bedroom, he sat in front of the mirror and looked at his reflection, thinking about his trek through the Labyrinth. Even though it was probably the craziest thing to ever happen to him, somehow, it felt so natural, as if it where a part of him.

The Labyrinth is like a sanctuary for you and your fantasies. It is much like life itself, full of unexpected twists, turns and deceptions. It is a metaphor of a rapidly-changing, yet enchanting and wondrous journey into our minds and emotions. Everyone has a sort of "labyrinth" on the inside, and something will eventually bring it out. 

For Larry, this was more than just a story coming to life, it was a chance for him to look inside himself and face the challenges that were brought to him in the real world in a similar way. This whole journey made him realize just how hard he had worked and how far he had come to get where he was today. He had faced many obstacles and unexpected turns throughout his life and his career, but he had not given up and not given in. Now he knew that he should never take himself for granted. As for his fantasies, it was nice to finally meet them, but perhaps they should stay in his jokes where they belonged. 

The moon was shining outside the window, casting a beautiful glow into the dimly-lit bedroom. The alarm clock on the nightstand showed that the time was five after midnight. Cara would be home any minute now.

Larry turned away from his image in the mirror and unclipped the fish hook from the bill of his hat, tucking it away in a tackle box. But then his attention turned to the photographs he had around the mirror. The photo of him and Cara when they had first met, the photo of him in Washington D.C. with Jeff, Bill and Ron, the poster from Blue Collar TV, sighed by all the cast members. With a smile, he began to remove one picture after another from the mirror. He glanced at each one thoughtfully before putting it away in a drawer. 

He gathered up all of the magazine clippings featuring the Blue Collar Tour, which he had saved and placed them in the drawer as well. He did the same with all of the autographs he had received from all the country music stars he had met and worked with. Then he took the music box and put in the drawer along with all the pictures.

"I need to move on," he thought. "Memories are great, but I need to stop livin' in the past."

Downstairs, he heard the front door open and shut. Cara had finally come home. She yelled up the stairs, "I'm home!"

Larry didn't say anything. He was holding the Labyrinth book, debating whether or not to tell anyone about his journey. After a moment, he decided that maybe it was best to keep it as his own little secret. He placed the book into the drawer with everything else.

"Larry?" Cara called. "Are you home?"

Larry looked up from the drawer and called back to her over his shoulder. "Yeah! Yeah, honey. I'm home."

He chuckled to himself, and pushed the drawer shut. He looked back into the mirror, and saw Donny standing behind him.

"Good-bye, Larry..." he said sadly.

Larry spun around, but there was no one there. He shrugged. Maybe it was just his imagination again. But when he looked back into the mirror, he saw Chris standing there.

"And remember, buddy," he told Larry. "If you ever need us..."

He faded away before he could finish his sentence. Rita appeared in his place.

"Yes," she gave him wink. "Should you need us, for any reason at all..."

"I need you, Rita," Larry said.

Rita's eyes lifted. "Oh, you do?"

Larry shook his head and shrugged. "I don't know why, but every now and then in my life, for no reason, I need you. All of you."

Rita smiled. "Oh, you do? Well, why didn't you just say so?"

Larry turned around and gasped. All of his friends from the Labyrinth where right there! Not just Rita, Donny and Chris, but the worm, the Fireys, Alph and Ralph, Tim and Jim, the Wise Man and Waylon, even some of the goblins where all there.

He laughed happily and gave each one of them a hug. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to hold on to his imagination just a little longer. He picked up Rita and spun her around in his arms, then dropped onto the bed dizzily.

"Git-R-Done!" he cried. "Boy, it's great to be home!"

Outside the window, in the quiet night, the snowy owl sat perched in the tree next to the house, watching and looking back at Larry one last time. With a flap of her wings, she glided from the tree. No one saw her as she flew up above Larry's house, up above the city of Sanford, and into the night sky against the bright moon.

The End


End file.
